Shake Rankings
The omnipotent chocolate shake rules supreme over all other fast food beverages in terms of prevalence, versatility, and in my opinion, flavor. Here are my personal rankings of chocolate shakes I've tried:
Five Guys
The best shake I've had is from Five Guys because of its amazing flavor and consistency. They also allow you to mix flavors, which I would think would reduce quality (due to the greater combination of possibilities), but I've found chocolate and banana is a great combo. Although, as anyone who has visited Five Guy's knows, it's very expensive.
- Price: 3.5/10
- Flavor: 10/10
- Consistency: 10/10
- Reproducibility: 7/10
In-N-Out
In-N-Out is second on the list due to its consistency (in both senses of the word) and smooth flavor. It just tastes really good. It's also pretty cheap.
- Price: 8/10
- Flavor: 9.5/10
- Consistency: 8/10
- Reproducibility: 7/10
Chick and Ruth's
I got a chocolate shake and was surprised to receive both the shake in a normal cup, and a second metal bucket thing with another portion of shake (???). Which while I did finish it, was too much. While I was trying to inhale the massive quantity, I did notice that it also tasted pretty darn good.
- Price: 8/10
- Flavor: 9/10
- Consistency: 7/10
- Reproducibility: ?/10
Shake Shack
I had a shake from Shake Shack in ~2019, and it was awful, it tasted like someone blended ice and squirted in some Hershey's chocolate syrup. But I had another one recently (2022), and it was actually pretty good! Very smooth and just the right richness. So I guess, reproducibility is poor.
- Price: 3/10
- Flavor: 8.5/10
- Consistency: 8/10
- Reproducibility: 1/10
Culver's
Culver's delivers a strong custard. It's pretty darn good. I got the chocolate and hot fudge additions, and the banana consistency was fantastic and went well with the chocolate flavor. It melted pretty fast though, so by the end I was spooning chocolate water. Not a great price but not as bad as Five Guy's.
- Price: 5/10
- Flavor: 8.8/10
- Consistency: 6/10
- Reproducibility: X/10
Classic Malt Shake
Classic Malt Shop is a small chain that had a pretty darn good shake. It wasn't mind-blowing and it didn't change my life, but I couldn't really find anything bad with it. Just an all around good shake.
- Price: 7/10
- Flavor: 7.5/10
- Consistency: 8/10
- Reproducibility: X/10
Jack in the Box
Jack in the Box delivers a quality shake. Very solid consistency and taste, and it almost always tastes exactly the same. For Jack in the Box though, a $4 or $5 shake is a bit too expensive.
- Price: 5/10
- Flavor: 7/10
- Consistency: 8/10
- Reproducibility: 10/10
PLNT Oat Shake
I got an oat chocolate milk shake from this place. The consistency was okay at first, but became watery quicker than I would've liked. The flavor is also different, of course, but not bad. Tastes like oats!
- Price: 5/10
- Flavor: 7/10
- Consistency: 6/10
- Reproducibility: ?/10
Wendy's
Wendy's shake or frosty or whatever is the bottom of the barrel for the mid-tier shakes. It's alright, but I wouldn't want to spend my own money on it. It's too expensive and has a mediocre consistency.
- Price: 5/10
- Flavor: 7/10
- Consistency: 5/10
- Reproducibility: 8/10
Swensons
This is a small restaurant chain, but still, the shake I had there left a lot to be desired. I opted for the banana and chocolate (naively hoping for a replication of Five Guy's), but it turns out that, at least for Swensons, mixing flavors results in something extremely artificial-tasting and off-putting. It had a solid consistency and I believe the plain chocolate would've been much better. They were nice people though! Can't score reproducibility since I've only had one. Decent price.
- Price: 6/10
- Flavor: 1/10
- Consistency: 7/10
- Reproducibility: X/10